Change… what creatures of habit we all can be with our own little rituals, cyclical thoughts and patterns. Breaking free from what you know can feels like there’s no room left in your mind to think. A full mind, reaching every last crevice, filling your every last space.
That’s where I’ve been folks! Combining a full schedule with a path of change there’s been no space for my creativity, cathartic writings, or putting any order into my life. It’s been chaos... wonderful, but chaotic.
My life has been split between two houses; my own, which now resembles a shell, and the other my partner's… soon to be called 'home'. For the last 8 years I’ve lived in a large, three storey house in a village. It’s the most beautiful place I have ever lived. The house has been kind to me when life has been hard. It’s been my safe haven, my solace and my lockdown palace. This amazing house, so big! I’ve filled every corner, every sill, and my own heart has dwelt at its centre.
Leaving it seems most symbolic of change. Swapping out the single life for ‘coupledom’ . It’s what I’ve always wanted, to be the other part of a pair. To level life out with your lover and your best friend. It’s happening! At times my brain moves slower than my heart, and at the moment it’s playing catch up.
My independent spirit is something that I think I’ll always have, and that’s okay. Thinking for myself, the ability to understand how to look after myself in the absence of anyone else is always going to serve me well. Here’s the thing, though, letting someone else in, and learning, slowly, to lean on them is the sweet spot. Releasing control … WHAAAAAAT IS THAT?!
I’ve come to an adult relationship a little late in life and my friends have been cheering me on from the sidelines of coupledom safety. They’ve seen my dating dilemmas, vicariously scratching their own itch for the excitement of the chase through my mistakes. Now they shoot me a knowing smile and some pretty robust advice when I share my relationship niggles. I’m new at this; it seems I was an expert in being single, but being double is a whole new thang! Late to the party, I'v e discovered that there's all manner of life advice on the table, and is welcomed from those I call my friends.
You know who you are … THANK YOU for your honesty, and for holding my hand. You’ve done a wonderful job, and I am now a graduate.
That segues nicely into something else that's important to share… I’m now a graduate of Auricular Acupuncture. I did it… this has been the most rewarding and insightful time. Unlearning everything I knew, and looking in an entirely different way at the intricacies of our bodies and minds. At times I’ve been so lost in thought, it’s been hard to come back! The knowledge I have gained to date has only tickled the tip of this incredible way of thinking and seeing the world.
So far in my life I’ve viewed the world in linear terms and now I find it’s in swiggles. Infinite swiggles. The beauty of a crack is that it lets the light shine through. Progression can come from pain, light from dark, we are all just a harmony of opposites. Yin and Yang ☯️. and always balancing out. That’s how I have started to see things. It's a fundamental shift in the way my mind works… the unlearning of the western way, and this feels right for me, albeit fascinating and overwhelming at times. My life’s purpose seems to be shooting in the direction of Far Eastern ways.
My objective now is to learn and practice and then one day I’ll be a wise old woman in a kimono, grey curly hair, big earrings, a strong red lip and a guru in my field of acupuncture. Big dreams and high hopes. Wish me luck!
For now though… I’ll remain a spa guru navigating the world of wellness. However, these days it’s more like a maintenance guru navigating the world of problems! We shall leave that there!
As I stand on this precipice and look ahead as well as behind, I know I'm going to fly, but it does feel like a leap of faith. We can never know what lies ahead of us, but how can we change where we are without moving in a different direction?
A new home, and a life with the partner I’ve been searching for forever. It’s an exciting time to be alive, I just need to slow it all down and stand still for a moment and this blog is just that, me standing still. It will be my last blog from ‘the tower’. As I lie in my giant bed it’s 5.40am, the light is breaking through the curtains and I can hear the morning chorus of the birds, there's an arm draped over me, and some soft snores and deep breaths… here he sleeps.
If you’ve ever made some big decisions, changed your life in ways to support a new path, I salute you. This is hard, however just remember .. if we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got.
Make that change, it’s the only way to move forward .