Ring Ring

I find my life changed, my vision is sharpened and yet, in myself I find I carry a frustrating hormonal, foggy haziness. When I hit  the dreaded forty I discovered a new kick ass attitude, my facade melted away and birthed within me a new woman that dispensed with the cacophony of noise in my head and replaced it with a secure grounding. I found that I knew how I wanted to start living my life.

Let’s fast forward to almost six years later and wow, how my life has transformed! I am definitely more grounded, and strengthened by a newfound wisdom. I find myself drawn to listening, and helping people to map paths that will help to ease the daily struggles of their minds and lives. Using my own experiences blended with received wisdom, I can still  find myself to be lost in others and not ego centric.

Life seems to speed up as we age and the mists containing all our yesterdays grow more dense. Memories fade, and stories that were separate seem to merge together. Hormonal changes have subtly crept into my everyday, reminding me that ticking time is ever present, even if my memory isn’t!

Like so many women, putting myself first seems to be a struggle. As women we can spread ourselves too thinly, forgetting what we need whilst we are caught up in the demanding lives of others, sucked in to the noise and rarely standing still, but I find that there are still pockets…secret pockets of my days when I think ‘how lucky am I’? I want more of those!

My daily practice of Qi Gong transports my mind to where colours reign free behind my eyes and through my mind, but unfortunately Qigong hasn't been daily of late. Practices that provide me with ease, stillness and clarity I find I still enjoy but in pockets rather than through daily practice, and this needs to change! I need to return to performing focused breathing and channeling of my internal energy , that I know from experience will provide the peace and solace I crave.

We might want to stand still but the reality is that life moves relentlessly forward and that in essence, is the beauty of it, that one moment you can feel one way, and the in the next, another. Life is like a gentle, warm breeze that can suddenly increase in intensity to a strong gust and then to a still silence all within an hour sometimes, much akin to hormonal changes!

So finally I’ve arrived back here, in my spot, to write. I hold this opportunity so precious, and yet I find it increasingly difficult to find the space in my mind to do it these days. My life is so incredibly changed, so busy and so full.. it's wonderful , and yet I do sometimes wish that I could slow it all down, be in the silence, lock in all of those moments so they don’t run away from me.

Something magical happened almost a month ago, I got engaged…on a trip home to the Isle of Man. Although we have known our direction for quite some time now, this was still the most incredible surprise.

I was wrapped up in the love I have for home and family, sitting nestled by my favourite castle, by the clear blue water of the bay and a magnificent view of the seaside town of Peel, and my very own love of my life asked me to be his forevermore. It was such a personal proposal, so very us. I didn’t just say yes… I said ‘ yes I will… yes I do.. yes I will’ and blurted out as many confirmations of YES I could think of.

Oh the ring… how it sparkles in the light like the crests of waves in the sun. Perfectly formed for my big hands and long fingers, my ring had travelled all the way from my once faraway home … Dubai.

Let me tell you about the diamond's journey…

When I was a child my Nan regularly reminded me that when she passed I would inherit all  of her jewellery. As a young girl who loved to play dress up in her Nan's clothes, it made me sad to think that my Nan would one day not be there. But, when that time eventually came, in her place I still had pieces of her living in her jewellery and I cherish it and wear it daily, carrying her with me everywhere. Pieces that as a child I never thought I’d like, somehow seem to have aged with me, and I love them!

I was left a gold and diamond ring, and it was always my intention after I found Mark, that one day this would be transformed into my very own engagement ring. Dubai has the most incredible gold souks, diamond parks.. and it felt natural to give the ring to my best friend Kelly who still lives out there to hold onto… until the day comes where Mark is ready to pop the question.

So my Nan's ring went on a journey across the sea to a desert land and lived often on Kelly’s finger as she too channelled Joycey Perry, my Nan!

When the time came for the transformation it was discovered that the diamond's now outdated cut wasn’t compatible with the fresh new diamond cuts, so Kelly and Mark designed and had made my very own ring. Do you know what?… I love the fact that my Nan's ring was there for the journey, handled by the same jeweller that made my ring. She was there!  So  the diamond from my Nan's ring will sit in a pendant around my neck on my wedding day.

The time we spent away from our world on the Isle of Man was very special. After the proposal we went to another of my favourite places… Glen Maye. This is a fairytale walk of waterfalls, woodland, streams and then a magnificent pebble beach. There we sat in the sun with a picnic, looking out at the view and at a ship on the horizon. Again, perfect. Followed by bubbles and a family dinner celebration, it was everything I could have wished for.

After our own bubble was popped by the telling of our news to friends there came a barrage of questions for which we didn’t have the answers! It seems that an engagement is usually accompanied by immediate plans.. although for us we've found that it’s rather nice to just take in the view and soak in the new feeling of being engaged.

To be engaged feels secure, warm, comforting, more closely and intimately joined.

We’re trying not to get lost and caught up in the planning and logistics of bringing our dreams of our wedding to life, although I know I can feel myself getting drawn in to the stressors that everyone tells me about.

So many life lessons lately, areas of life I’ve not yet experienced, and so listening to the wisdom of others does seem crucial, but still being us ‘essential’.

I know that I’m still learning and growing, I’ll never stop. Learning about myself and others, but I do know that putting my wellness first will keep me steady and strong, just like the mighty oak tree at the end of our garden!

No tights today … it’s warm with a balmy breeze.