Updated: Oct 19, 2020

Did the storm just go up a level on the strange scale? Mass hysteria meets my eyes when I scroll through the honey pot that is social media. I can’t help but think this awful act of violence, is being used rather cleverly as a smoke screen for something all powerful and political. Alas, I’m am certainly far from a conspiracy theorist, so should probably leave that alone. 

From one form of invisible terror to another, that’s up in our face; is somebody is relishing in keeping us all in permanent fear?  Living in a rural village,  it’s certainly a far cry from the cities demonstrations. Which makes it at times feel like a world away.  Having lived and worked all over the world with many different cultures I have to say I find it all very difficult to swallow. Conspicuous compassion yet again... the bandwagon for all to jump on to be ‘current’ or ‘trending’. 

This anger, frustration, and cause. Is it really about BLM or are people just angry and need an outlet? We’ve been fighting an invisible monster for months, as it destroys lives, hope, plans and our economy. Are we as humans wired to fight? Yes and no. The fight lies within us all, to be absorbed by what’s in front of us, or to look further and beyond. 

Surely, this all comes back to being kind. Not hashtag be kind... not ‘ look how kind I am’ but authentically kind without ego or agenda.

This week I’ve been lost in my own thoughts, trying to catch them as they blow around like fluffy dandelions. I can’t seem to focus, and that’s because my mind has been woken by a giant alarm clock. As we edge out of lockdown, prepare for the post covid rebirth, I’m actually apprehensive about how my own mental health will cope returning to work. Just last night I was listening to a podcast with Tara Swart and her professional  perspective on what will unfold for the minds of us all. Don’t be mistaken, we cannot relaunch into the same life. 

This then has led me to consider what I can take from lockdown into life.  Who am I now? As I’m certainly a different person leaving the other side. I am far more self assured, and consciously in my own mind.  I’m not tens of thousands steps ahead, I’m here and I love that. I’m present.  I can tell you that meeting in groups of more than three makes me anxious, and I find it hard to focus. I’ve always been better 1-1, but this time on my own has reinforced by ability to go within and I like it. 

For many lockdown has been a time of stress, tragedy and frustration.  There are those now that are chomping at the bit, disregarding rules left right and centre in a sea of ‘there’s no point now, they should have done it differently from the start’. Really? You could take the country through a global pandemic could you? No, I think not.  My opinion like everyone else’s is not fact, but I fail to see how a reckless abandon of the safety precautions will help any of us move forward. 

I have found this time invaluable. Yes, that is selfish, people have died, and I’m far from being unaffected by this, however I have loved meeting myself in lockdown. So, as we slowly awaken think hard about who you are now. Think about the quality time either in person or digitally you have had with loved ones. The lost art of conversation, games and yes, even quizzes. That time with your new hobby, getting outdoors and breathing in fresh air or the cakes you’ve discovered you love baking. 

I’ve learned to love myself, my life and my place. What a wonderful lesson to learn. 

Forget me not ... post lockdown. 

Ps- still in bed

Pps- how will I ever get up before midday again? 

Ppps.... I think the pink tights are coming back soon

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