Are you courageous? I’m not sure I’ve ever asked myself that question before. I take calculated risks, yes, but you won’t ever find me jumping out of a plane; that said, I think yes, I am courageous, courageous and confident. I’ve made some pretty courageous decisions in the past, and in certain personal situations I’ve had to be very brave.
There are times when I feel brave just for getting out of bed in the morning, when I’d rather pull the duvet over my head and sleep. When what your day means is dealing with your thoughts head on, the cycle of chatter in your head and the fiery feeling in your gut and getting past that...that’s what I call courageous.
I’ve just turned 44, and with that I’ve had the realisation that my body is really changing. For example, I can no longer bank an undisturbed night's sleep, and the frequent pee situation...? Well frankly it can f**k off! I’m sorry but how can my same sized bladder now scream at me 2-3 times a night? Thank goodness for the ‘gently back to sleep’ meditation or else everyone would be feeling the wrath of my intermittent sleep pattern!
Yes! I think I’ve reached the dreaded ‘ middle age’,and the spread is real. Not sure how...as I still listen to Radio One!
What’s going on with that bloated midriff? OMG. NO.
I’m going to have to remove all the mirrors in the house and blindfold my partner. Although he may confuse that for a sexy scenario... and that’s another blog.
But in all seriousness, I’ve seen all the blog posts, I’ve seen the 49 symptoms and still it doesn’t really slap you around the face and say ‘Hey, I’m Peri and I’m here!’. No, instead it sneaks around the back way and gives you that unsettling feeling that something else is lurking there.
That’s it, I’ve got an intruder and I’m going to face it!
So with that in mind, I’m currently looking for my big girl pants, some pink tights and some red lipstick, every superhero’s must haves! What’s your go to when you need to feel strong and courageous? Perhaps when you're taking a big meeting, or public speaking? I find both a bold dress and a bold lip with a memorable scent helps me to power on through.
Back at the beginning of July I got a 4 day pass to being in my twenties again. Off we went to the ‘Back2’ Festival in Derbyshire. What an amazing time we had. Okay we weren’t in a tent, we took the pop up van, but we still used portaloos and shared showers, so we were semi roughing it. So much fun was had in the planning of outfits, multi coloured tutus, fluffy boots and temp tattoos. This was a family festival with a fusion of 90’s cheese combined with house, drum ‘n base, bounce, trance and rave.
Dressing up was liberating and I definitely didn’t know I was capable of dancing for 4 days anymore. I felt like a new woman, and amazingly not stiff like a board but all fluid and loose. We met up with some brilliant people, and I wish we all lived closer. The festival helped me let go, and reminded me how to have fun. I think the vodka helped 🙃!
As August will soon be upon us, I decided to get to grips with what I’d actually committed myself to in that month when I'd signed up with my partner and his friends on The Welsh 3000. A walk in Wales he said, I said yes... what an idiot I was! So now I’m going to talk about a different type of courage... the kind where you stand up and say, "No". Specifically, after watching multiple videos of the first day, that includes 3 peaks with magnificent views ( and drops) that sent my heart racing, hands clammy and a rush to my head I realised, no Alex, this is something you can’t do.
I love being outdoors, can't say I love hill walking, but thought that with my new birthday poles I’d be all set, but I have lived in this body for a long time and I know what I’m capable of. Three peaks in one day, with ridges to walk and sheer drops on either side just isn’t in my current repertoire I’m afraid, so standing up and saying you can’t do something is also courageous I've found. When you are considering doing this challenge with a group, holding them up or turning around would affect everyone, so I've made the decision to say no, not this time, and decided I’ll be the support crew instead, acupuncture and massage at the ready, I’ll be there to rescue them right back in the evening!
Admitting that I wasn’t fit enough and that I couldn’t make that commitment actually felt courageous. At no point did I feel like a loser, nor that I was just trying to dodge the bullet. I think we all need to recognise the different kinds of courage we can surprise ourselves with and actually celebrate them.
As we walk through life and compare our own with another’s we can have zero idea of what’s going through other people’s heads. I seem to talk about this a lot in my blogs, but it is an unknown, that is until you start asking the big questions. I do love a big question, a real reveal. I’m not up for mindless gossip, I prefer to start in a place that would help, albeit this can be uncomfortable at times.
Do you ask the big questions, or do you dance around with the small talk? One of the gifts of ageing is actually giving less of a sh*t. It’s time to consider you now, not who you’re trying to please. Time isn’t forgiving, so don’t waste it on those that don’t bring sunshine to your life.
Being brave can look like going off to war, doing something you’ve never done before, standing up for yourself and your beliefs, or simply facing a difficult situation and being brave enough to carry on. It comes in many guises, but if you pay attention you will start to notice how brave you are too.
Whether ‘Peri’ or the anxiety thief is coming to visit, or if it's just general tiredness from life's routines, I’m determined to work through it and enjoy myself. Every once in a while now I'll pull the duvet over my head, cocoon and do what I need to... and then I'll emerge into a butterfly 🦋 once again.
Celebrate your courage, recognise it in others and find your inner butterfly.