That's it, I'm here. I have arrived at me. I am no longer defined by where I have travelled, what I do for a living or validated by my success. This sounds like the synopsis of every self help book out there... what a cliché, but how true. Oh, what freedom.
Alas, it does seem that I have found that I am not at all lonely. As a very good friend pointed out to me this morning, not once have I complained of being lonely in lockdown. Yet, when busy with work, distracted by life(instead of living it), the loneliness seeps in. What a contrast, indeed two months already on my own, and I am more myself than I have ever been.
With such a plethora of time on our hands, what have you noticed and reflected on? I am seriously loving being curious, delving into new things and finally stimulating my mind with something else other than work. For those that know me well, you'll know that I love what I do. I am always busy, and I continually bite off more than I could chew (probably applies to food too). However, being in the same job but a different scale for such a long time, means that I haven't ventured out of my 'spa' zone. It's like someone has handed me a new flavour I have never tasted before, with such a healthy appetite to know more, exploring philosophy, psychology and diving straight into subjects I never knew I was interested in.
Every day on my walk I listen to a podcast, I have had to trawl through complete tripe on there, and I have to admit sometimes I hear the first line or the tone of their voice, and its a no from me. I am enjoying Ferne Cotton's 'Happy Place', and Justin Theroux's 'Grounded' mostly as I find them incredibly thought provoking and relatable. Not everyone is relatable though, are they?
Has anyone else turned into an unsociable b*tch? Or is that just me? My tolerance for other people is at nil. Unless you are in fact my father, who seems to share not only the DNA but also the same scheme of thinking. Neither of us ever realised just how alike we really were until lockdown. Every few days we have lengthily conversations either about complete boll*cks or philosophise over the behaviour of human beings. But, anyone else, you've lost me at the moment. Apologies.
I cant seem to socialise; and just to clarify I mean on a zoom call. Whilst we are on that subject... no I don't want to do any more bloody quizzes. I am sorry but really.... how is it general knowledge to know how many weeks Abba was in the charts for with one of their awful songs? I mean really? Back in the room with the b*tch comment... is anyone else tiring of other peoples stupidity, or lack of any new material part from regurgitated opinions chewed up, spat out and shared by everyone on social? Yes, there maybe comfort in the fact that we all seem incredibly confused by the ambiguity of government statements, but why does everyone have to bang on about it?
Pffttt… I think perhaps one doth protest too much, and one should consider a digital detox. Yes, I am talking about me.
Enough now of me, because that's a general annoyance of mine when people just talk about themselves. The older I get the more that I notice it, and it's not pretty. I have made a list of subjects to explore in my blogs, or should I say ramblings and today I want to ask... Do you want to leave lockdown?
In Ireland they call it a 'cocoon'. No, this isn't the 80's movie about the old people and aliens. It's Ireland's play on words whilst they stay home. What a different perception to have, a warm cocoon of safety, bathing the Irish public in more positivity, compared to our 'instruction' of 'Lockdown'. It's all about perception, how you view something and how we can see something will differ. What picture are you painting right now? You may argue that it all has the same meaning and that we are all actually all just at home staying safe, and no matter what fancy word you use to explain it- it's still the same thing. Or is it?
Do you listen to the birds now, or do you still hear them? Do you glance at the blossom or do you take it between your fingers draw it towards your nose and inhale that amazing aroma? These aren't the same things. Have you noticed the meaning, now the world has stopped? Have you noticed that the important things you need are incredibly simple; and the superfluous, is merely consumerism?
Yes, I too have found the supermarket my weekly luxury, I see the value in my Amazon Prime account like never before, however what are we all buying, that's where this gets interesting, We are mostly improving ourselves or our spaces. Gardening, painting your house, jigsaws, ping pong, baking, bikes... you see, we are looking into activities, ways of engaging, or reconnecting with a hobby. When the world stopped, it appeared we didn't,
As I write from my comfortable yet unsociable cocoon, this week I wore pink Leopard print leggings, no one commented on them and for a moment I thought I looked like Pat Butcher (is she still in it? I don't watch soaps... but you know what I mean). My point being, after wearing them all day, and I think they are rather fabulous regardless of any strange ' I cant believe she's wearing those' looks, I thought bugger it, I love them, and you know what? I love me and who I am so sod it, and I posted a photo on social.
If you don't love you, use this time to find your way there. This doesn't mean you are selfish, it just means you're your own best friend.
Be kind to yourself.
PS-and I am quite happy in my cocoon thank you Mr Johnson.
PPS- if you like the leggings go to Fabletics! Who cares if they're bright, embrace it... and bring out your personality.